BRITAIN. Land of Hope and Glory-holes. Where pregnant, waddling teenagers take up the full width of the pavement with their oversized triplet pushchairs, unaware that their rampant, perpetual humping has filled them to the brim with all manner of grotty infections.
Privates is a platform twin-stick shooter in which you lead a teeny-tiny gang of condom-hatted marines as they delve into peoplesâ€™ vaginas and bottoms and blast away at all manner of oozy, shouty monsters.
Itâ€™s rude, funny, bitingly satirical and technically pretty accurate if you donâ€™t count the tiny people or the germs with teeth.
â€œPrivates is a totally crazy concept. Itâ€™s very exciting to finally be able to reveal what weâ€™re up to,â€ said Dan Marshall, founder of Zombie Cow Studios. â€œWeâ€™re exploring some pretty unique gaming environments and themesâ€¦ I can honestly say I canâ€™t imagine youâ€™ve ever played anything quite like it. These first five screenshots should give you a pretty good idea of what weâ€™re up to, but thereâ€™s a hell of a lot more to come soon.â€
â€œChannel 4 have been awesome in giving us a load of money and then keeping pretty quiet no matter how filthy and objectionable the content became. Itâ€™s gone really well.â€
Privates boasts five whole levels of bug-busting action across a variety of gorgeous 3D locations, with a fully-voiced comedy script and a nutso soundtrack. You never know, you might even learn something handy about your downstairs-department.
Privates contains the word â€˜merkinâ€™ and is a PC and Xbox360 download developed by Zombie Cow Studios, creators of the critically-acclaimed indie title Time Gentlemen, Please!
The PC version will be available to download for free from Channel 4 and E4 websites this summer. The Xbox one will probably cost a little bit of money, weâ€™ll see.