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Grand Theft Auto V

Posted by GG Goblin On October - 2 - 2013

Tales from Los Santos.

Yeah, yeah. Grand Theft Auto V is awesome. It cost millions to make, has sold millions and even stirred controversy amongst millions. But isn’t this what we expected from Rockstar’s latest videogame masterpiece? There is no point in reviewing GTA V like other games, and most gamers already know just how good it is without me telling them. So instead, I thought I could share some of my GTA V experiences and explain what it is that I like about the game, from the glorious open world to the spots on Trevor’s butt, which I really didn’t need to see. Thanks Rockstar.


Just the other night, I was wrapping up an extended session of GTA V (one of very few games lately that I have been able to handle for an extended session). It was time to prepare dinner and I didn’t want to take on another of the highly entertaining missions in the game, for fear that they would take to long. So instead, I decided to have a little play around for a few minutes before heading to Franklin’s new pad and saving the game.

First up, I decided to have Franklin play a round of golf. The Golf club is up for sale, but at a massive $150,000,000 I won’t be able to afford that for a while. A round of golf however, is not out of my price range. I was without any transport at the time, and far too far away to walk, so I knocked someone off their motorbike as they stopped at a junction, jumped on and drove away, in true GTA style. It would seem that one of the pedestrians had taken exception to my brazen motorbike theft and phoned the police, who arrived in the blink of an eye and gave chase. With the bike getting more and more damaged by the trigger happy police, I stopped and ran to steal a less damaged vehicle, only to be gunned down.

I emerged from the hospital feeling somewhat hard done by and poorly treated by the Los Santos police force – it was only a motorbike after all, I would have given it back. If I am going to get gunned down, I would prefer it to be for something more “criminal”. With this in mind, I waited by a cashpoint machine and then beat up upon the first person to come and use it. I think I got about $85. I also got a whole lot of police on my back again. So I whipped out my favorite shotgun and started to fight back, using the wonderful cover mechanic in the game to make use of parked cars and such for protection.


Do I need to tell you how that ended? Yeah, the hospital again. Dinner was running late, and I still had to go to my pad and save the game. I found a likely looking multistory car park and grabbed myself another car, making sure this time that no one was watching. Like the shooting mechanic in GTA V, the driving is sublime. The cars all handle well, and differently enough to enhance the experience of just cruising the streets. Even drifting around the corners is possible with the handbrake button.

Much as I enjoy the driving aspect, I still wanted my game of golf. There are numerous activities in GTA V beyond the usual causing mayhem, such as the golf, tennis and even triathlon, would you believe. I had yet to try any of these out, so it was back to the golf course I went.

Annoyingly, by the time I reached the golf course, they were closed. What to do, what to do? Quit the game and make dinner? Or take a blimp out for a cruise? Well, I had yet to have the blimp experience, so that seemed like a good idea. Dinner could wait.


So I got out my phone and summoned a blimp. Once I arrived at the nearest blimp point, I jumped in and took to the air. The city looked amazing from the sky, especially as it had now got quite dark. From the air, it is easy to see just how big the city and its surrounding area is, a massive playground just for me. As I was slowly flying around, the radio barked that I was entering restricted airspace. It seems that I had drifted over the airport. Interesting…

With police helicopters on my tail, and police cars below, I landed the blimp right next to a passenger jet and quickly swapped vehicles. This was my first time controlling an aircraft this big, with the previous experiences being with Trevor and his various flying missions. Dammit, every time I think of Trevor I am reminded of the scene in which we get a nice close up of his spotty, hairy butt. There is a lot of messed up stuff in GTA V, and most of it involves Trevor, but his backside really was one step too far. I won’t even tell you what you see when he bends over to pull his pants back up. Wrong, just wrong.


Okay, that’s enough of Trevor. Back to Franklin in his passenger jet. I managed to get the plane on the runway and get it into the sky, despite the heavy police presence. Flying over the ocean, I was really impressed with my flying skills, until I realised that the ocean was getting closer. Not really sure what happened, but I bailed once the plane hit the sea. However, it was night time and I was underwater and not sure which way was up. Next stop turned out to be a hospital, again.

Concluding that at the earliest opportunity I must pick up a parachute, I uneventfully stole a car, drove home and saved the game. This is the real magic of GTA V – I had continued to play for two more hours after I decided to quit, and had achieved nothing. But it gave me a story to tell. The open world in GTA V is massive and packed to the brim with things to do, so there is never a dull moment. From the main missions, which slowly introduce all of the main characters, to the random events that pop up as you are just cruising, from the fun ways to waste some time, to the huge amount of stuff to buy. Loads of cars, loads of weapons, loads of places to visit and loads of secrets to find, GTA V is loaded. And this is all before we get to experience the exciting GTA Online multiplayer mode. It is very likely that no one will ever eat again in my household.




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